So I have worked for Walgreen's for nearly ten months, to date, and I have never really thought about it until recently as I head off to school that I have learned a lot about people there. Working this form of retail has been a nice, extended psychology lesson. Now, I work in the pharmacy so the pressure is up a notch considering what we deal with and more importantly who we deal with.
Firstly, things change. When I first started there, we had about 1o employees that were on staff back there. Today, not including myself, there is one girl from that initial group of people that still work at Walgreen's and she has worked there for 10 years. She trained me and has trained every tech we have hired since I started and I am sure she trained techs before myself. So the lineup has most definitely changed, but with that the mood or the atmosphere really changed. The manager that I started under was an awesome guy. He was so chill and laid back and so understanding, so I made a smooth move in with Walgreen's. After about 2 to 3 months, he found a better job and took it so we hired a very, very annoying lady. I have never once wanted to quit but after working two nights with this woman, I was sure that I was hot on the heels of our first manager to be out of there. But I stuck it out and things worked out eventually. I just became used to how she was and how she worked. Again, changes affect everyone and that was definitely true for a fiery young teenager like myself. Recently, she has moved to another store in the area to work and our other pharmacist has taken duties as manager and I must say it was a happy day when she first spoke the words "pharmacy manager" while speaking to a patient. With the change in staff, I have learned many things from many different people and have also learned to adapt to a changing situation.
Second, I think this may be a bit rash to make this assumption only taking into consideration my working at this small pharmacy in this small metropolis of a city but I am confident it is a legit statement. People, as a whole, are very angry, rude, impatient, and most of all unhappy. Working eight hour shifts with so many different people coming and going throughout the day has shed some light on my thoughts on people in general. I have dealt with some of the most unhappy and angry people over some of the most ridiculous situations. My friend that I work with and I were talking the other day, as he considers moving jobs, about how depressing it really is. How these patients throw a fit over such petty circumstances and how frustrated they get when most often the issue is due in part to them. Many a time have I been yelled and cussed at for a situation that not only was out of my hands but everyone else's in the pharmacy as well. Problems with peoples insurance, or doctors, or sometimes there own faults pitched off onto me. I have seen people that I know from the past that don't recognize me, some that I went to church with, that will lose their minds over very small situations that come up. It is embarrassing for them, I have to think because I know them and they don't realize how foolish they are acting.
But maybe that anger, that impatience, that unhappiness comes form something else. I haven't seen it yet, but I think a lot of what I have been experiencing could be summed up by the NOOMA "Store". The setting of the clip I have seen is in a grocery store and a woman is checking out, having a friendly conversation with the clerk as she scans her items. As the clerk goes to scan a particular item, it appears it doesn't work and she tries again and the lady gives a reassuring look that it is OK and something to the affect of not to worry, as if she will go get another item that will scan. All the while, the shopper in line behind this woman is obviously becoming angry. His face gives him away immediately as he suppresses anger at the situation. Where does this come from? Why are people so unhappy? Why can we not just slow down and breathe and relax?
I work really hard when I go to places, such as the bank or a fast-food restaurant, to think about the people I deal with on a daily basis. I focus on having a positive attitude, and not just that but a thankful one. It is refreshing when I deal with a person who is genuinely kind to you and thankful. They don't just treat you as a robot simply fulfilling a job, but if you make a slightest mistake then immediately you are noticed. I could compare my job to a kicker in football. Very similar situation. Back to my focus though...I understand how easily it is to have that mindset that the bank teller doesn't need my time and I do not need his or hers because I just want to deposit money and go. Yet, there I am finding myself on the other side, looking through the glass knowing that just maybe a happy and thankful customer could give that teller or fast-food worker the strength they need to make it through an already brutal day.
I deal with problems quite regularly, so my perspective is much different. People come in and act like the children with them over issues with their medicine when they fail to realize that I work on these problems for 8 hours a day. I don't say that to put myself on a pedestal but, by putting this whole situation in perspective, it's really not that bad. I get out of a day full of these problems, some still unresolved...waiting for me to come in the next morning and continue to attempt to resolve them but I feel that I am blessed. I pray for these people that are so wrapped up in simple, issues that set them off. I pray for them because, regardless of my going to church with some of them, they still obviously are missing something in their life. It is apparent as they speed off after purchasing a prescription with a different credit card then the first one they tried that they need something more in their life. Something that will give them patience and happiness, regardless of what happened that day at the local pharmacy. God has a way of humbling people and I have come to see my job as just that. God working through the deranged lives of others to show me how blessed I am and to show me that there is so much more than this life, simply through attitudes that I see everyday. Thank God, I say that quite literally, for his peace because, as I have learned, many people are without it and it visibly affects their daily life, even if it is for a mere four minutes at Walgreen's.
Saturday, July 28, 2007
Wednesday, July 25, 2007
Reflections on the Mount
I have really come to realize lately that God is faithful. Of course he always has been, but there are definitely times, such as now, for me when I just feel distant. You could say I was in a rut. I am constantly looking ahead and not concerned with the here and now and considering my situation I really should be focused on that. I leave for college in 3 weeks. There is no time to be looking ahead because it will be here too soon for me to skip over these last weeks.
I was reading Matthew 6 the other day, skimming through the Sermon on the Mount and I ran across the verses about worrying. The verse at the end of that section really just smacked me in the head when I read it because it is very much what I needed. “Do not worry about tomorrow for tomorrow will worry about itself.” I feel as if God used that to slow me down because who am I to say what I will do next week when I have a week of time to live in between then, granted God gives it to me. In addition to that, the rest of Matthew 6 really complements itself. Jesus did a fine job of putting simple thoughts together and making them really blend and mesh as a great thought. It is fundamentals of faith that He breaks down: fasting, praying, and giving. Three items that are crucial, in my opinion, to the development of faith and they all help you in very different ways. I have never been much of a faster but I have attempted fasts from certain things that I feel bog me down and it has really shown to be affective. I find myself putting time into other important things that would have been neglected to my obsession with that which I am fasting from. Jesus tells us that our fasting should be down in silence and not to parade it around, along with praying and giving. It is to be between you and God and no one else. I don’t necessarily think that it is void if you tell people, but it cant be that gloating that Jesus talks about. The point is to advance the relationship between God and yourself and I believe that can still happen if people are aware of what you are doing.
I struggle to pray constantly, it is something that I know is powerful because I have experienced times in my life where prayer was very much a part of it. It was like a cleansing act that just lifted my spirits and gave me a new kind of energy. Lately, I cant say that I have been in that role. I find laziness catching up to me and pulling me down when really I have no good reason to not simply spend 3 or 4 minutes here or there just stopping. It is convicting in the three topics that Jesus addresses that he always leads of with “When you…” It is never if you, or when you have time to, or if it is convenient. Simply, when you do, telling me at least that I should be but then he goes on to regulate that it is not in vain that we do these acts of faith.
Giving is a touchy subject in my mind because I am selfish. I have a good job and make a nice amount of money for a summer job but with that comes more expectations from God to give and I have found that hard. My most recent attempt is to support a cause financially and regularly. I have struggled, as I knew I would because I am just stingy and lately have not handled my money well but it is sad because giving with that open heart really impacts a person, I think. I know that on the scarce, random times that I find it in me to give, I have this good feeling, not that I am proud but that I am doing what I should be. God calls us to give and He said to do it with a cheerful heart, so on those occasions I like to live in them because God has blessed me with it. If people could find the joy to sincerely give, then this world would be a much better place. Period.
I have come to a nice realization this summer. I am a straight sinner. I sin and I always will and it is that simple. I am a unhealthily competitive person and that has a bad affect on me spiritually. For example, when I would practice basketball, shooting hundreds of shots in a session, I would hit so many in a row then miss one and freak out. That definitely transfers over to the spiritual because I beat myself up so much about each little mistake. I get competitive but a lot of times I shut down in those instances and it kills me. I kinda give up because I feel like I will never bounce back from any mistake because that is how my mind works, so my accepting grace and forgiveness from anyone is usually a struggle. I struggle with that struggle and it is a vicious cycle. If ever my earthly mind had trouble with a concept that was so free and eminent, than that is it. I think that my distant mindset is a major factor with that, the guilt sets in and I really don't feel worthy when really I am more worthy than ever in those times.
I am thankful that I don't understand God. The wonder that is God simply reassures that I don't need to understand, yet I am taken care of.
I was reading Matthew 6 the other day, skimming through the Sermon on the Mount and I ran across the verses about worrying. The verse at the end of that section really just smacked me in the head when I read it because it is very much what I needed. “Do not worry about tomorrow for tomorrow will worry about itself.” I feel as if God used that to slow me down because who am I to say what I will do next week when I have a week of time to live in between then, granted God gives it to me. In addition to that, the rest of Matthew 6 really complements itself. Jesus did a fine job of putting simple thoughts together and making them really blend and mesh as a great thought. It is fundamentals of faith that He breaks down: fasting, praying, and giving. Three items that are crucial, in my opinion, to the development of faith and they all help you in very different ways. I have never been much of a faster but I have attempted fasts from certain things that I feel bog me down and it has really shown to be affective. I find myself putting time into other important things that would have been neglected to my obsession with that which I am fasting from. Jesus tells us that our fasting should be down in silence and not to parade it around, along with praying and giving. It is to be between you and God and no one else. I don’t necessarily think that it is void if you tell people, but it cant be that gloating that Jesus talks about. The point is to advance the relationship between God and yourself and I believe that can still happen if people are aware of what you are doing.
I struggle to pray constantly, it is something that I know is powerful because I have experienced times in my life where prayer was very much a part of it. It was like a cleansing act that just lifted my spirits and gave me a new kind of energy. Lately, I cant say that I have been in that role. I find laziness catching up to me and pulling me down when really I have no good reason to not simply spend 3 or 4 minutes here or there just stopping. It is convicting in the three topics that Jesus addresses that he always leads of with “When you…” It is never if you, or when you have time to, or if it is convenient. Simply, when you do, telling me at least that I should be but then he goes on to regulate that it is not in vain that we do these acts of faith.
Giving is a touchy subject in my mind because I am selfish. I have a good job and make a nice amount of money for a summer job but with that comes more expectations from God to give and I have found that hard. My most recent attempt is to support a cause financially and regularly. I have struggled, as I knew I would because I am just stingy and lately have not handled my money well but it is sad because giving with that open heart really impacts a person, I think. I know that on the scarce, random times that I find it in me to give, I have this good feeling, not that I am proud but that I am doing what I should be. God calls us to give and He said to do it with a cheerful heart, so on those occasions I like to live in them because God has blessed me with it. If people could find the joy to sincerely give, then this world would be a much better place. Period.
I have come to a nice realization this summer. I am a straight sinner. I sin and I always will and it is that simple. I am a unhealthily competitive person and that has a bad affect on me spiritually. For example, when I would practice basketball, shooting hundreds of shots in a session, I would hit so many in a row then miss one and freak out. That definitely transfers over to the spiritual because I beat myself up so much about each little mistake. I get competitive but a lot of times I shut down in those instances and it kills me. I kinda give up because I feel like I will never bounce back from any mistake because that is how my mind works, so my accepting grace and forgiveness from anyone is usually a struggle. I struggle with that struggle and it is a vicious cycle. If ever my earthly mind had trouble with a concept that was so free and eminent, than that is it. I think that my distant mindset is a major factor with that, the guilt sets in and I really don't feel worthy when really I am more worthy than ever in those times.
I am thankful that I don't understand God. The wonder that is God simply reassures that I don't need to understand, yet I am taken care of.
Tuesday, July 03, 2007
Those who don't work, don't eat.
Coming off my trip from Mexico, I think that I have developed a much better understanding of what it means to be a servant. It is very similar to Christianity in that it isn't always easy, but it is always right. Honestly, I expected to roll into Mexico and build a house in a few days then leave feeling good about what I had done. I also prayed that God would humble me and I quickly found out that those two could not exist together. I definitely was humbled due to the circumstances of the week and the conditions of the building but it all came together for me as I read through II Thessalonians. In chapter 3, Paul writes to them about not being idle and tells them to constantly be working and to spread the gospel. He goes on as far as to say that those who don't work, don't eat. It really puts my week in perspective because sure the work was hard, but it isn't about the labor and I struggled to see that all week. No, it is about doing the work, not just the work itself. It is the act of service, doing it for someone in the name of Jesus. It is staying away from idleness and doing the work to his glory that matters. I find myself completely selfish when I complain about our week because as someone said on our trip: "Maybe this is just God showing us that we in fact are on His schedule and any notions that we have should be thrown out the window because this is God's trip. Any idea of a feel good mission trip should be checked at the door because this isn't what service is about. It is about humbling yourself so that the light of the LORD might shine on others. Service is tough, but it is right and true." It was humbling and that is more than just a feeling of being thankful for what you have but its also a call to continue serving no matter the place or time because despite my sorry week physically, I have never been more blessed than by knowing this family. I experience God through them in a way I never have before and a simple meal with them in their home was amazing to the point of shifting my outlook on what a servant is and what a follower of Christ is. May God continue to break hearts as He did mine in Juarez, Mexico that week. May he always light the way that leads people to the doorstep of servant hood because I am a firm believer that true faith can be found by living a life that is consumed not by one's self but by the need of the needy and the lost. It is a hope that people can be reached by the good deeds in the name of Jesus Christ and can understand why we do the things we do for this man that lived, died and rose for us so many years ago.
"Let your light shine before men, that they may see your good deeds and praise your Father in Heaven." -Matt. 5:16
"Let your light shine before men, that they may see your good deeds and praise your Father in Heaven." -Matt. 5:16
Monday, July 02, 2007
Mexico - An Epic
Compiled over a span of 4 days while in Mexico:
June 25 - "This is gonna suck"
So we just crossed the border into Mexico for our first day of work. Dad's car got stopped...maybe if he wouldn't try to smuggle stuff across the border on a church trip.. Anyway, today is supposed to be our toughest day of work but of course I love that. Mexico so far is a pretty cool sight, but only that. The living conditions are horrible. It is a very busy city here in Juarez, alot of people just out and alot of cars on the road. Our guide is pretty cool, she is a tough one...she doesn't say much. I told Lucas she could probably beat him up so he needs to watch his back. I slept on a church pew in El Paso last night in the ole' Mistral bag and it was a surprisingly good night's rest so as I write I am ready to go. Right now we are driving to the shed to get Kelsey's tools then to the church to unload then to the house to start work.
Kelsey's truck broke down that puts us back a while and also, the cement truck didn't come to the site so another thing goes wrong the first day we are here. They are scheduled to come early tomorrow morning.
June 26 - "It's friggin' hot"
Today has been another difficult day and from the looks of it, a harder day than yesterday. The concrete truck came four hours late, so we are continually being slowed in our progress. I am sitting here at the iglesia during our siesta which is planned to be about a three hour break in the middle of the day to eat lunch and get some rest before heading back out to the site. I am polishing off a turkey/ham sandwich, some gogurt, sun chips, and a gatorade...not a bad lunch for being in Mexico. We have had a few people already get sick on this full day of work and a couple people puked their guts up...exciting start. I have felt fine so far and I really hope it stays that way. The temperature broke 107 today at the site and our days are long. I got a blister from working in the concrete, pushing it around real quickly and everything. But it came up and busted quick so that wasn't fun. I also had concrete up to my shins in my only pair of jeans to work in, so I knew i would have some fun dealing with that. As for my blister, I just soaked it in a wet wipe when i got to the church to clean it out good...it burned. Last night, we had a little episode with cockroaches around 1:30 in the morning so all the girls were up slapping flip-flops and screaming and everything. Lucas and I weren't touched. We had only been asleep for a little over and hour, but when I woke up I really thought it was morning and time to go and I felt ready...a little power nap really did it for me. It wasn't though, so we went back to bed. Despite waking up for that, I sleep very well again. Working so far has been concrete foundation, building walls, posting chicken wire all over the walls and it will definitely be tough on the second stretch of our long day. We go in very late last night so we didn't get to sit and talk about anything really. It was eat and go to bed. From the looks of it, we aren't going to finish by tomorrow night as planned. We may actually end up working up until our dedication time set for Thursday morning.
June 26 - "Don't worry....we listened to Freebird"
So after our siesta, we headed back out to the site to finish off our first full day of slave labor in Juarez. Our initial plan for the afternoon/night was to work from 4:00-8:00...just 4 hours. But of course, things didn't go as planned and we left the site around 9:45 leading to another late meal and short rest through the night. I am sitting here, very tired and on edge much like everyone else, about to lay my head down to sleep.
My shoes were and jeans were nasty from the morning in the concrete, but at least they were dry. I didn't suffer much from them much although it was gross and I know ill have to deal with them all week. On the way to the site, we heard Buy you a Drank and Freebird so we were just positive that it would be a good day. Wrong. The work sucked today because we are so behind and have so much to do. I moved into serious worker mode cause I was getting pissed and hungry. Honestly, I wanted to just go home. I really feel that this trip hasn't rewarded me and that is selfish but I don't like when I cant feel what is happening. I like to feel God working and right now I cant. I know why we are here and what we are doing but I just feel like I'm not on that train but, again like last night, we didn't spend any time talking tonight about what we did because we had such a late night again. I need those talks and those reflections to understand and I wish my outlook could change. Right now I am sitting on my mattress knowing I need to sleep because we have to be on site at 6:00 on the morning to attempt to catch up. Everyone is tired and most are feeling pretty miserable about the trip as a whole...I have trouble blaming them. It definitely didn't help that we had 4 people stay back because we missed the man power that much this afternoon. Getting back to El Paso will be very nice for everyone including myself because the trip is really turning into straight slave labor. I am trying to keep a positive attitude and wont speak up about it of course but I really just don't feel positive. I am really praying tonight to be broken down in a different way tomorrow and to have an awakening as to feeling in my heart why I am here and why I am doing what I am doing.
June 27 - "Te gusta bailar?"
Today has been much better. We go to the site at six in the morning so we could attempt to get back on schedule as best we could. I got very involved with the kids this morning and that definitely helped move the trip into a better light. We taught David and Maria the pancake and the heel-toe and played limbo. They are so carefree and kind and I can already tell that leaving will be tough because of these people. The love comes so freely from everyone we have met here. Although leaving the work will not be missed. We got the whole frame up and got to work on blackboarding the two side walls. This afternoon will be chicken wire and stucco and insulation. We hope to have the house finished and ready to dedicate by tomorrow at noon but we are optimistic about being done earlier in the morning. Apart from spending time with all the kids, I still am struggling to enjoy this trip or attempt to take something from it. It is just touch doing construction all day when you really hate it and so many times you feel as if nothign is getting done. Hopefully this afternoon will be better with regards to work but of course now all I want to do is play with the ninos...
June 27 - "RULE #1!!"
We headed back out to the work site ready to hit it and get the job done today. Little did we know that all of our mishaps so far would be vastly overshadowed by one half day of work. As the work began, we just had many many errors on building that had to be backed up and redone. Everyone was messing up things and having to do them over, with me included. Boards werent flused, chicken wire was done all wrong, things were nailed all jacked up, etc. I really could go on and on about all the mess-ups we had today. Then, as the sun began to go down, rain clouds started moving in but we soon found out that there was little rain but a lot of lightning and wind. Being in a dusty, very flat country with those conditions are not favorable. To make all this even better, my Dad and I happened to be working on the roof during this and I have lightning when it is on top of me so I was pacing everywhere. Kelsey said we had to finish the roof because the rain would get in the house and ruin things, so we definitely pushed the limit, much to my dismay. We worked up until the point when BJ said he was taking us off the roof because it was just too dangerous, even though we weren't done like she wanted. So we all got off and sprinted for the cars. The people who weren't on the roof had packed all out tools in the van so we were set to go once we all got down. Everyone was set to go except the boys that were on the roof, so Dan tossed Lucas the keys to the Suburban to get us going and, of course, it doesn't start. He tries once more...nothing. So I get out and run through all sand storm about 50 yards up to the Expedition and tell my Dad that Dan needs a jump, so pull around. It takes us about 20 minutes to get it started, all the while standing in the sand storm and lightning overhead. As soon as we got it jumped, we took off...only for Dan to make a comment about his low air pressure light being on. We went over a bump and I felt it being more than low pressure. I said, "Back left..?" and he nodded. I knew this was gonna be bad...I rolled down the window and see that our tire is very much flat and getting worse. I am continually checking the tire, watching it get lower and lower and we move past the other cars and I flag them down out the window pointing to the tire to let them know there was another problem. We get ahead of everyone and pull into Rapidito's and survey the tire. It's gone. Lucas and I jump out and head over to the van with all the girls. By this time, I think it is all very funny because everything is going wrong and so we just start losing it. We joked all the way back to the church and even still some when we got there.
The second half of the day was an extreme opposite of the first part of the day. I guess you could say we leveled out but no...the accidents, errors, and mishaps have dominated this trip. God has definitely challenged us, I think, to keep our focus on what this is all about but frankly I just really haven't. All the brute labor really wears you down and pissed you off by the end of the day. Our youth group is built on reflection and discussion and its tough when we don't get that each night of this hard work. Considering that lack of fellowship, the frustration is obvious. It is just ridiculous at this point and people are tired of it all. All I have now is to pray that I realize all we have accomplished on the house and the teamwork we have developed as a group. It is a much different bonding experience, one we aren't accustomed to. It has sucked but hopefully we will find time in El Paso or Abilene to be able to talk about all this week. It has been even more hard for me because I felt so moved on the way down here with my book and and just doing a lot of thinking and a continuous shot like this week has definitely put me on my butt. I just hope that I can really get back on my feet spiritually after this very demoralizing week, but I still have the ride home to spend a lot of time thinking and reading to get my focus back and really understand what we did this week. I still have a hint of optimism in me, but it's fading fast.
June 28 - "Man, we could easily get drugs across this border"
The final day of work....wooo!!! But not really. We got up early again with hopes of finishing by 12 and getting back to El Paso early. As the day moved along, we kept working and working and working and we didn't finish the house until 6:00. We never took a siesta because we didn't think we would need to so we worked 13 straight hours with no lunch, save the food Lucia had for us. We didn't eat until 10:00 that night, so we went nearly 17 hours without a solid meal, working in the sun all day. Of course, the day fit right in with the others and sucked but working that long with that little food, you can expect a rough day. When we crossed the border, I stuck my head out the window and pumped my fist to Lady Liberty but lost my hat...the hits just keep coming. Then, we get to west El Paso and Kelsey's van breaks down...super. Dan, BJ, Lucas, Patrick and I get out and push it about 400 yards into a hotel parking lot and we leave that piece of trash.
As I look back on all that I wrote, I kind of chuckle because even through all that and looking back now...I have memories that surpass all of those. Our family was amazing. There were four of them and even though we couldn't always communicate verbally with them, it was apparent that God helped us communicate in a much better way that only He can do. It was amazing to see the impact we had on them and the gratitude they visibly showed to us. I wont ever see that family again, most likely, and the more I think on it the harder it gets because God brought us all together in those 4 days. Ill miss the love that Raul and Lucia showed each other and us, Jesus always wanting to be helping us and of course ill miss Maria always smiling and just lighting up every time we came around. For all the crap we went through this week, the short time spent at the dedication and saying goodbye with that family changes everything. It puts all the labor and and trials in perspective. It is truly mind blowing that I feel like this after a week with a family that doesn't even speak my language but I know that as members of the family of God, we built our bond on that which surpasses any physical barrier. My heart will always lie in the home of that family in Juarez with the hope that one day we will see each other again and we will pancake and limbo for eternity. I prayed that God would humble me this week and in that moment when we turned those keys over to the family, I was. I fought tears then because it was so overwhelming. I knew then that God had this plan all along and I was selfish to complain about it. I pray that I they are constantly on my mind and in my heart because I know I will never forget the short week I spent in their lives. I thank God for that family and pray that they may be so richly blessed by our efforts but mainly by the LORD himself because they are very much worthy.
June 25 - "This is gonna suck"
So we just crossed the border into Mexico for our first day of work. Dad's car got stopped...maybe if he wouldn't try to smuggle stuff across the border on a church trip.. Anyway, today is supposed to be our toughest day of work but of course I love that. Mexico so far is a pretty cool sight, but only that. The living conditions are horrible. It is a very busy city here in Juarez, alot of people just out and alot of cars on the road. Our guide is pretty cool, she is a tough one...she doesn't say much. I told Lucas she could probably beat him up so he needs to watch his back. I slept on a church pew in El Paso last night in the ole' Mistral bag and it was a surprisingly good night's rest so as I write I am ready to go. Right now we are driving to the shed to get Kelsey's tools then to the church to unload then to the house to start work.
Kelsey's truck broke down that puts us back a while and also, the cement truck didn't come to the site so another thing goes wrong the first day we are here. They are scheduled to come early tomorrow morning.
June 26 - "It's friggin' hot"
Today has been another difficult day and from the looks of it, a harder day than yesterday. The concrete truck came four hours late, so we are continually being slowed in our progress. I am sitting here at the iglesia during our siesta which is planned to be about a three hour break in the middle of the day to eat lunch and get some rest before heading back out to the site. I am polishing off a turkey/ham sandwich, some gogurt, sun chips, and a gatorade...not a bad lunch for being in Mexico. We have had a few people already get sick on this full day of work and a couple people puked their guts up...exciting start. I have felt fine so far and I really hope it stays that way. The temperature broke 107 today at the site and our days are long. I got a blister from working in the concrete, pushing it around real quickly and everything. But it came up and busted quick so that wasn't fun. I also had concrete up to my shins in my only pair of jeans to work in, so I knew i would have some fun dealing with that. As for my blister, I just soaked it in a wet wipe when i got to the church to clean it out good...it burned. Last night, we had a little episode with cockroaches around 1:30 in the morning so all the girls were up slapping flip-flops and screaming and everything. Lucas and I weren't touched. We had only been asleep for a little over and hour, but when I woke up I really thought it was morning and time to go and I felt ready...a little power nap really did it for me. It wasn't though, so we went back to bed. Despite waking up for that, I sleep very well again. Working so far has been concrete foundation, building walls, posting chicken wire all over the walls and it will definitely be tough on the second stretch of our long day. We go in very late last night so we didn't get to sit and talk about anything really. It was eat and go to bed. From the looks of it, we aren't going to finish by tomorrow night as planned. We may actually end up working up until our dedication time set for Thursday morning.
June 26 - "Don't worry....we listened to Freebird"
So after our siesta, we headed back out to the site to finish off our first full day of slave labor in Juarez. Our initial plan for the afternoon/night was to work from 4:00-8:00...just 4 hours. But of course, things didn't go as planned and we left the site around 9:45 leading to another late meal and short rest through the night. I am sitting here, very tired and on edge much like everyone else, about to lay my head down to sleep.
My shoes were and jeans were nasty from the morning in the concrete, but at least they were dry. I didn't suffer much from them much although it was gross and I know ill have to deal with them all week. On the way to the site, we heard Buy you a Drank and Freebird so we were just positive that it would be a good day. Wrong. The work sucked today because we are so behind and have so much to do. I moved into serious worker mode cause I was getting pissed and hungry. Honestly, I wanted to just go home. I really feel that this trip hasn't rewarded me and that is selfish but I don't like when I cant feel what is happening. I like to feel God working and right now I cant. I know why we are here and what we are doing but I just feel like I'm not on that train but, again like last night, we didn't spend any time talking tonight about what we did because we had such a late night again. I need those talks and those reflections to understand and I wish my outlook could change. Right now I am sitting on my mattress knowing I need to sleep because we have to be on site at 6:00 on the morning to attempt to catch up. Everyone is tired and most are feeling pretty miserable about the trip as a whole...I have trouble blaming them. It definitely didn't help that we had 4 people stay back because we missed the man power that much this afternoon. Getting back to El Paso will be very nice for everyone including myself because the trip is really turning into straight slave labor. I am trying to keep a positive attitude and wont speak up about it of course but I really just don't feel positive. I am really praying tonight to be broken down in a different way tomorrow and to have an awakening as to feeling in my heart why I am here and why I am doing what I am doing.
June 27 - "Te gusta bailar?"
Today has been much better. We go to the site at six in the morning so we could attempt to get back on schedule as best we could. I got very involved with the kids this morning and that definitely helped move the trip into a better light. We taught David and Maria the pancake and the heel-toe and played limbo. They are so carefree and kind and I can already tell that leaving will be tough because of these people. The love comes so freely from everyone we have met here. Although leaving the work will not be missed. We got the whole frame up and got to work on blackboarding the two side walls. This afternoon will be chicken wire and stucco and insulation. We hope to have the house finished and ready to dedicate by tomorrow at noon but we are optimistic about being done earlier in the morning. Apart from spending time with all the kids, I still am struggling to enjoy this trip or attempt to take something from it. It is just touch doing construction all day when you really hate it and so many times you feel as if nothign is getting done. Hopefully this afternoon will be better with regards to work but of course now all I want to do is play with the ninos...
June 27 - "RULE #1!!"
We headed back out to the work site ready to hit it and get the job done today. Little did we know that all of our mishaps so far would be vastly overshadowed by one half day of work. As the work began, we just had many many errors on building that had to be backed up and redone. Everyone was messing up things and having to do them over, with me included. Boards werent flused, chicken wire was done all wrong, things were nailed all jacked up, etc. I really could go on and on about all the mess-ups we had today. Then, as the sun began to go down, rain clouds started moving in but we soon found out that there was little rain but a lot of lightning and wind. Being in a dusty, very flat country with those conditions are not favorable. To make all this even better, my Dad and I happened to be working on the roof during this and I have lightning when it is on top of me so I was pacing everywhere. Kelsey said we had to finish the roof because the rain would get in the house and ruin things, so we definitely pushed the limit, much to my dismay. We worked up until the point when BJ said he was taking us off the roof because it was just too dangerous, even though we weren't done like she wanted. So we all got off and sprinted for the cars. The people who weren't on the roof had packed all out tools in the van so we were set to go once we all got down. Everyone was set to go except the boys that were on the roof, so Dan tossed Lucas the keys to the Suburban to get us going and, of course, it doesn't start. He tries once more...nothing. So I get out and run through all sand storm about 50 yards up to the Expedition and tell my Dad that Dan needs a jump, so pull around. It takes us about 20 minutes to get it started, all the while standing in the sand storm and lightning overhead. As soon as we got it jumped, we took off...only for Dan to make a comment about his low air pressure light being on. We went over a bump and I felt it being more than low pressure. I said, "Back left..?" and he nodded. I knew this was gonna be bad...I rolled down the window and see that our tire is very much flat and getting worse. I am continually checking the tire, watching it get lower and lower and we move past the other cars and I flag them down out the window pointing to the tire to let them know there was another problem. We get ahead of everyone and pull into Rapidito's and survey the tire. It's gone. Lucas and I jump out and head over to the van with all the girls. By this time, I think it is all very funny because everything is going wrong and so we just start losing it. We joked all the way back to the church and even still some when we got there.
The second half of the day was an extreme opposite of the first part of the day. I guess you could say we leveled out but no...the accidents, errors, and mishaps have dominated this trip. God has definitely challenged us, I think, to keep our focus on what this is all about but frankly I just really haven't. All the brute labor really wears you down and pissed you off by the end of the day. Our youth group is built on reflection and discussion and its tough when we don't get that each night of this hard work. Considering that lack of fellowship, the frustration is obvious. It is just ridiculous at this point and people are tired of it all. All I have now is to pray that I realize all we have accomplished on the house and the teamwork we have developed as a group. It is a much different bonding experience, one we aren't accustomed to. It has sucked but hopefully we will find time in El Paso or Abilene to be able to talk about all this week. It has been even more hard for me because I felt so moved on the way down here with my book and and just doing a lot of thinking and a continuous shot like this week has definitely put me on my butt. I just hope that I can really get back on my feet spiritually after this very demoralizing week, but I still have the ride home to spend a lot of time thinking and reading to get my focus back and really understand what we did this week. I still have a hint of optimism in me, but it's fading fast.
June 28 - "Man, we could easily get drugs across this border"
The final day of work....wooo!!! But not really. We got up early again with hopes of finishing by 12 and getting back to El Paso early. As the day moved along, we kept working and working and working and we didn't finish the house until 6:00. We never took a siesta because we didn't think we would need to so we worked 13 straight hours with no lunch, save the food Lucia had for us. We didn't eat until 10:00 that night, so we went nearly 17 hours without a solid meal, working in the sun all day. Of course, the day fit right in with the others and sucked but working that long with that little food, you can expect a rough day. When we crossed the border, I stuck my head out the window and pumped my fist to Lady Liberty but lost my hat...the hits just keep coming. Then, we get to west El Paso and Kelsey's van breaks down...super. Dan, BJ, Lucas, Patrick and I get out and push it about 400 yards into a hotel parking lot and we leave that piece of trash.
As I look back on all that I wrote, I kind of chuckle because even through all that and looking back now...I have memories that surpass all of those. Our family was amazing. There were four of them and even though we couldn't always communicate verbally with them, it was apparent that God helped us communicate in a much better way that only He can do. It was amazing to see the impact we had on them and the gratitude they visibly showed to us. I wont ever see that family again, most likely, and the more I think on it the harder it gets because God brought us all together in those 4 days. Ill miss the love that Raul and Lucia showed each other and us, Jesus always wanting to be helping us and of course ill miss Maria always smiling and just lighting up every time we came around. For all the crap we went through this week, the short time spent at the dedication and saying goodbye with that family changes everything. It puts all the labor and and trials in perspective. It is truly mind blowing that I feel like this after a week with a family that doesn't even speak my language but I know that as members of the family of God, we built our bond on that which surpasses any physical barrier. My heart will always lie in the home of that family in Juarez with the hope that one day we will see each other again and we will pancake and limbo for eternity. I prayed that God would humble me this week and in that moment when we turned those keys over to the family, I was. I fought tears then because it was so overwhelming. I knew then that God had this plan all along and I was selfish to complain about it. I pray that I they are constantly on my mind and in my heart because I know I will never forget the short week I spent in their lives. I thank God for that family and pray that they may be so richly blessed by our efforts but mainly by the LORD himself because they are very much worthy.
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