Come to the Table

I was at a retreat in Memphis this weekend and I will say that it was alright. Two things that really made it special though:

First, Mike Lewis (Jesus Painter) was there and the way that he connects with his art is an amazing thing. To just sing and watch a picture be created is so cool. He actually did two paintings, but the second one really hit me. It was so simple and you may not understand it unless you have witnessed him paint before. He started off the latter of his painting by simply writing "all my sins" at the top of the canvas. As he proceeded to paint, he left that there for a while. Near the end, he finally painted over it with the finishing touches to a picture a black-haired man, with a tear coming from his eye and blood splattered on his face. The way he used his art to show that message was so amazingly powerful, I can't really do it justice from writing about it.

Secondly, we took a communion late on Sunday night and to start the night off, a video was shown and it illustrated the sequence of events that happened to this boy when he was young involving the dinner table. I didn't think much of this video until I was sitting up at the table looking down into my little cup of juice. "I am not worthy of this man. How is it that I can be here when in no way do I deserve this love? I am a sinner. I hurt people. I lie. I am a SINNER." I sat there and as I began to cry, I remember that video. The line that lifted my head to look back at my cup was when the boy asked to be excused and he was. He was excused from the....I am excused! This cup that I don't even feel worthy to drink is for exactly that reason. I am not worthy, yet because of the 1 ounce symbol that sat in front of me, I am EXCUSED. I have been set free, God has poured out love and grace all over my body.

As I set there, I thanked God. I thanked Him for who he was, is and will forever be in my life. I pray constantly for God to guide me and that Sunday night in Cordova, God said told me that as always been there for me but I simply must follow. Praise God for the emotional experience, the intimacy that I had with God on that night, for because of that I know without a doubt that Jesus Christ loves me and that he died on the cross for me. He sacrificed his life so that I may have life. This seemingly unthinkable deed has given me hope. Hope that one day, I will be surrounded by His glory.

God broke my heart that night and I will forever remember that table, the spot I sat at, pouring the juice into my cup, crying for no apparent reason yet only to have God show me what life is. I thank God that I have been excused.